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Why was I away!

Not always in life, that you are super motivated or charged up and that ‘not always’ gets longer when you don’t find a reason to rejuvenate your mind or your thought process to be precise. I hate myself for being lazy and pretending to be busy , just so that I can get away from what I used to make time for, earlier. To be honest, I was trying to ignore what I like to do the most and kind of accepted the failure. And why or how is that? I will tell you. There is a thing called “approval”. Getting approved or accepted by the society and the world around you is a very keen need people seek for, and so did I. Call me immature but we all go through it someday. But does it all that matters? Does getting recognized for what you do is everything for you? Cant you just do anything for your own-self and not for the sake of how the world will take it, or if the world will ever absorb it? If you like it, you would do it. Not for the acceptance from people you don’t know , but for it satisfies your soul, for it gives you peace of mind and for it gives you a better sleep at night.

There was a time in my life not too long ago, when I believed in doing it all. May be it was a very small span of time in this long life of mine, but it was there. I would cook, do house chores besides a full time job along with weekend birding, blogging about them, recording husband’s guitar videos and spending hours in editing them. I thought this is the best version of me and this is the best my life can offer so I pour it all, I pour it all ,just except the soul.

” Don’t gain the world & lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold”. -Bob Marley

When you don’t feel it from inside, that will to push your limits, when you start getting thoughts like ‘its not worth it’ or ‘I cant do it anymore’, that’s exactly when you start to getting ‘depressed’ without realizing it. I am not going to bore you on ‘in and out about depression’ now, (or should I? OKAY! may be some other time) not today. When your brain stops pulling the positive strings and starts working on the weak ones, you surely know that its not the best of your time. But if you have HOPE, you will make it. You will definitely get out of it, just like how you get over after loosing a very old friend of yours, who used to share every little secret over lunch break, but now won’t even aid in your life’s hardest time. Yes, you will get over it, if you are willing to praise yourself. If you think, you are capable of more. Yes, you will get to the bright side, if you have the strength of letting go, if you believe in ..

‘ There is a sunrise after every darkness’.

I did what I thought I need to do then but somewhere deep inside , I knew I am doing it all just for the sake of doing it,for getting that one praise or for the welfare of getting all the credit. Not getting the credit that I thought I deserve would make me sad.Just like any other human being not getting praises for baking a beautiful chocolate cake that he/she put so much effort in. I would get sad, I would get annoyed and I would get furious at times. It was just beginning of the worst for the impatient person that I was. It could be anything, but definitely not the best of I.

I was not low on my will power that is what I realize now. It took time, it definitely did but what is more important is that it happened. Giving up on something ‘you may be good at’ can never be a solution of your frustrations. Time lets you realize a lot of things. And CHANGE is one big thing that helps in CHANGing you, positively. When the forwarding time fails to claim, sometime in your own company does the job.

Now that I don’t seek for the fake praise or the unrealistic credit for everything, now that I don’t look up to the numbers but the value of the precious,I have decided to come back here, to write my heart out, to create a space for each and every bit of emotion that I or you have. Because now is the best we have known,

‘Time and tide waits for none. And if you keep waiting for it, believe me , its never gonna come.’

You take charge on life before it does. You be the warrior of your own fights. You be the light to your own darkness. And you be the HOPE to your own sadness. Lets have a great time here sharing some optimism with lots and lots of love and laughter.

Cheers, Riya ❤

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